I cried a little, I wrote it out, I sent some hardcore telling-it-like-it-is texts before I stopped texting entirely, and I shook my fist at the sky and vowed revenge. Then I did what many of us do in these times of need. Tinder, the dating app, was where I’d met my ex, and my ex before that, too. Just spend a little more time on the old app — — and, poof, another guy to date. Write that on your profile.” “Oh, I don’t know,” I said.
At the end of every date or time together he has followed up quickly… He quizzed me about the day asking when I’m free and what work I’m doing now. I really like this guy and i thought he really liked me, you know? But if he were as into you as he was acting, why would he risk turning you off? When a man tells you he’s been so busy, that’s the biggest RED FLAG. Let me help you with understanding men and explain what those words could mean: He could also be pulling away like so many men do when things are going well and it occurs to them that a relationship is starting.
He’s been attentive, making dates, really into me and then suddenly –a week before Valentine’s Day– he didn’t make time to see me. So I sent him a text advising him of my first day off in 4 weeks. I hate to break this to you, but “I’m so busy” is Man Speak or code to cover a bunch of circumstances.
Our series of true dating stories continues with today’s essay by Jen Doll. Why was it that being clever and sarcastic and keeping people on their toes was more “acceptable” than asserting what you wanted and letting the possible dates sort themselves into those who wanted the same things, and those who would walk away and wish you well? This idea of knowing what you wanted and actually saying it, it was scary — but it resonated. I wanted someone who knows himself, a good driver (I’ve ridden with too many bad ones), a person who was aligned with me politically.
After going through a rough break up, she turned to a therapist for support. For so long, I’d accepted the guys who liked me first, who seemed like they might get me , and I’d tried to make myself fit around them, to make us work. I also bragged about being able to ski on one ski — sometimes you’ve got to be a little bit funny while also tooting your own horn. Jen Doll has written for The Atlantic, Elle, New York Magazine, The New York Times Book Review and other publications.
During my single heydey, I’d Google myself into a tizzy, trying to piece together the right set of tips to make myself appear carefree, cool, and sexy — the type of woman any man would want to wife up (ugh).